过期了

再一次，把歌听完。

同样的歌，

同样的歌词，

同样的对象，

同样听的人，

但这次的感觉，已经很不一样了！

原来，感觉已经慢慢，慢慢地随着时间，过期了。

再怎样地回味，都寻找不到当时的“五味”

我，终于醒了。

其实，很早很早的时候，就已经醒了

只是不想那么快就放下

好了！

适可而止。

晚安

心·语

有时候不是不懂，只是不想懂；
有时候不是不知道，只是不想说出来；
有时候不是不明白，而是明白了也无能为力，于是就保持了沉默。

有些话，适合藏在心里；
有些痛苦，适合无声无息的忘记；
有些回忆，只适合偶尔拿出来回味。

很多事情，当经历过，自己知道就好；
很多改变，不需要说出来的，自己明白就好。

正在播放：周杰伦 - 我落泪情绪零碎

Happy Halloween!

Today is the Halloween night. Normally, we don't celebrate but I wish to celebrate, cause it looks fun! Anyway, today is the last day of October, but I hope today is the last day of November. Always thinking about what'll happen right after my STPM, makes me energize and motivated! I guess everyone needs goal to urge themselves and me too! Nothing to blog as it was the same thing also. Oh ya! Photography club's farewell party just held in few days ago in Puchong and I guess nothing much for me to post about that party.(click here for photos) In fact, I thought the restaurant was very grand and luxury before we went, but.....Okay, it do grand and luxury, especially a Big Red Ferrari was catching everyone spotlight, but you know what, waiter's attitude always the prior. Perhaps this "Standard" restaurant not suit us! Using an iPad to make some order is good, but please be sure that your iPad is functioning always! So, another BAD here! Fine. Thinking positively I found a lot of great restaurant in Puchong. Let's have some try with my buddies next time. Okay. It's 2.40am. Good night, peeps!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !

;

I got this when I was reading newspaper.

人，一定要想清楚三个问题：

一，你有什么；二，你要什么；三，你能放弃什么。你有什么，是评价自己现状。要什么，是明确自己目标。最难的事，自己不知道或不敢放弃什么！

这点恰恰能决定自己想要实现的目标是否能实现。没有人可以不放弃就能得到！

and that, I guess it was my second one. I'm still finding the third one. 

My econ's teacher keep on remind us about the countdown.

I used to be nervous and anxious about the day coming during last few month

but now? chill and relax.

When I was thinking I will study abroad in China, there have no needed for me to study so hard right?

Ya, I got my co curricular marks today.

The CGPA was below 60. even lower than those who bla bla blaaaa. WHATEVER

okay, I don't want to mention who was "those"

What I wanna say is, I'm so slacked about activities in my form 6 life.

maybe the effect of too many band life in my secondary life.

okay. done.

I got my 3.08 for my trial. and it's over 3.

I was not so excited actually.

In fact, I heard the school lower the grade purposely.

maybe it was just the luck.

59 for a B-

luck I guess.

I always wonder how much shall I get for the real exam.

Let's pray. I just hope it will over 3 for indeed.

not much. 1 or 2A are enough for me.

I don't feel to study today.

but the time is countdowning.

but still don't fell to study.

I'm imagining the day after 14 Dec everyday

but I guess I will miss the life. of course.

I hate the life with jobs.

back to the 1st and 2nd option. both are secret.

now playing - Manhand    -准时收听

hiking

I kept telling myself, "One more month!" 

Ya! One more month left.

You're nearer to the hell and heaven

It's remind me when Ms.Lim said the story of hiking.

It's totally the kind of feeling right now.

When you're going to reach the peak, you must pass through the most slanting road.

The slanting path always makes people gave up even though it just a few step to success.

She said," Luckily I got one professor who kept on telling me, 5 more minutes! 5 more minutes!"

Actually is 1 hour more.

But you'll never forget how beautiful the view is right after you climb over the peak.

I just hope when I reached the peak, the view won't be too bad 

=)

致弟弟的一封信

好轻易地离去 

轻易得让我不肯相信这就是事实

我没有其他人的仁慈

我没有我伯伯的宽宏大量。

如果换作是我，

我不可能对你说：“请不要自责，我们不会怪你！”

我说不出口

年纪不是借口。

是生命。

用生命来交换的原谅，代价太大的。

没有人知道你下半辈子都在做什么，

但，

愧疚，

应该是你下半辈子的负担。

不敢哭得太惨，

因为我不是应该最伤心的那个。

弟弟，

我的心很痛。

大家的心都很痛。

痛死了。

想到，就很痛。

不敢哭，

因为我们都怕你走得不好。

弟弟，

我的心很痛。

大家的心很痛

就这样，没了。

没了。

这是奶奶跟我说的

不重要

都不重要了。

所有想要坚持，想要奢有的东西

都不重要了。

没有什么比自己身边的人待身边还要幸福了！

都不重要了。

我只想要，我想要他呆在身边的人可以好好的，

我什么都可以了。

弟弟啊

只希望你要好好庇佑非常爱你的家人

 也请你啊，

下辈子过得快乐点，平安点，开心点，可以享受说不能享受的。

哥哥姐姐们都会想你的。

我们都会想你的

希望你，

在另一个世界可以很好很好的，

很好很好地过生活。

 不要有挂念！  

一路好走

姐姐会想你的。

毓筠姐姐上

走了








。

never been so bad before

now playing : DBSK - Insa

It's now October and I felt I was even more nearer to hell and heaven.

I shouldn't blog for the time being now.

but still.....

ya. I've been blowing off how miserable my stpm life is.

and now I'm still the same situation.

can't stop thinking the day without stress of exam

I mean, everyone have stress in every stage.

but how come I didn't sense it will be so terrible during last time.

it's the worst I swear.

back to the first sentence

I was even more nearer to hell and heaven

I guess many ones will get what I wanna say easily.

time flies.

stpm is coming nearer and nearer to me.

this is the hell.

and of course freedom is coming after the nightmare

this is the heaven.

I don't know is this the stress?

I don't know how come I will surface it so terribly now.

until I wanna bang my head badly, headache.

maybe it was the process.

I heard someone said that "Transformation always painful"

and now, I hoped everything I did was worth.

I don't want to talk about my result.

as there've nothing for me to be proud at all.

I mean, I did worse than the last time.

I can't blame teacher, but I did.

I should work hard more.

but you know sometimes, I felt so tired being working hard with no border line.

receiving the wrong information.

i was exhausted.

 1 more month to go.

god bless me.

courage me.

please

I know, I should appreciate as

it was the gift of God.

so, I should say thank you right?

after this please.

感慨

如果有如果，我想问你，为什么就那么不珍惜生命？

一通突如其来的电话，把我们一家人的心情搞砸了！

尤其是我读书的心情！

发生事故，大家都慌了！

尤其是她们那一家。

幸运总是不怎么站在他们那边。

命水，这回事，真的，认了！

刚想起去年我们的谈话，

顿时觉得向来不怎么和我们聊天的堂弟，

有好多我没有的感慨

觉得失败，是我突如其来的感觉。

应该珍惜。

凡是都要珍惜。

哪怕让自己伤心生气地事情也要珍惜！

random updated

Trial is coming. 

I don't think I can handle well.

sigh. 

exhausted!

Sabah is a paradise

short quick update here.

YA! I'm going here with my friend next January

Trust me, we'll totally have fun at there :)

just won't be any interruption for the weather during that day we've chosen!

I miss the sunshine of beach

and I miss to hang out with my lovey buddies.

time to bed 

have a sweeeeeeeeeeeet dream!

Gdragon leaves a letter to the VIPs

G dragon just leaves a message to the VIPs. 

here the translation:

Hello VIP .. ^^

It’s been so long .. Have you been well?

I should’ve written you letters often and stuff but it’s all just talk, I’m sorry ..

Now soon BIGBANG would meet its fifth anniversary, and my birthday is coming near. Thank you for already congratulating us/me ~ really..!

If I think about it, I always got overflowing love, more than I deserve, every birthday.. but on this year’s birthday, since it’s BIGBANG’s fifth anniversary and all, I thought I would do something good and meaningful and now I attempt to write a letter which I've never been so good at writing, with my ugly handwriting and shy heart.. I know that up until now, my beautiful fans have done angelic deeds and helped others out in my name. (I think I have luck in meeting great fans ?! ㅋ) But this year, dear fans, I would like to pay back, in the name of VIP..! And I have something to ask you. On this year’s birthday, I will politely decline all presents. My pretties’ hearts are more~ than enough, so just wish me a happy birthday with warm hearts and no more~ ^^

From now on, I hope I won't just receive from you, but rather making meaningful time and memories together. In this happy mind, I send you a ‘last farewell’~

I don’t wanna be without you VIP~ ♬

Forever, as a leader of BIGBANG, as a leader of G-Dragon, I will work hard ‘day by day’ to show you the awesome and mature us/me! 

Be careful of your health in this hot weather ~ dont ‘have an affair’!

bye~ ♥

Okay, this letter just bring me up!

annyeonggg, Jiyong oppa! hahaha

人

人活着的意义应当是在过程，而不是结论。所以一个人不应该以自己的经验和观点去影响另一个人，何况他不是你，你也不是他。每一个人成长的过程都不一样，人生的酸甜苦辣应当自己尝一尝，尝试才是人生

这也许不是真正的答案，但我很满意！

加油！

form 6 is a camping life

July is over. what an unproductive month. let me slack for the last day please! I can foresee the revenge of being laziness! result of trial after the hari raya. ya ya ya, i know. I'm trying my very best to stay focus. i just need a little bit of motivation only okay? so, July is really a holy hell busy plus sad add-on with the spirit of slack month. trust me, I don't really done my work nicely. Just wonder why I wanna working so hard in my study while the STPM's result doesn't really help me out for my University. I was thinking like maybe I can use my STPM result paper to mop the shit of the floor when I was studying abroad in 1 year later. USELESS. Well, maybe I can put it like a certifcate for being so not-yourself-stupid-2-years-sucks-fucking-camping-life-in-19-years-school-uniform-erhee-government-malays-school. I'm out of mood. bye!

p.s : don't hate form 6 please, who ever read this post! blaaaah!

难得糊涂

对这世界毫无兴趣的人，别人也不会对你有兴趣！

我很好，别担心！就突然想到郑板桥的“难得糊涂！”.

反而，想念了在远方的朋友！

希望她永远都那么好！

黄思蔚小姐,我命令你,跟我吃多点！

quicky updates

what a tiring week. Having interview and tour and technique for STPM papers non stop for the holy week. I'm exhausted. bla bla bla. I'm treated my juniors so good in attitude and it never happens in the past, what's going on me? I don't know where's my temper right now? maybe hiding themselves somewhere else. hahaha! okay, i have to rest. and i know i'm running out of time for the trial!

god bless for my explorace, I hoped I get kicked out by the group. what a "holy jesus group" adui. night!

人要向前看！

因为啊，人生短短几十年，当然是为了自己而活！

 

我啊，很烦！所以不像再去想了！

发生就发生了！

即使，出现在眼前，或别人提起，也懒得再去想了！

因为，我已把所有的不想，打入冷宫了！

有空的时候，才去想吧！

 

人要向前看！

 

但我还是想预祝那些，平时不多烧香拜佛，蠢得让人识破自己，却还以为自己正在独秀着的人类，马到成功！

 

摇头-ing!

 

wo yao qu sui jiao le!

boring. busy. erhe!

Sometimes, I might wondering wheter I like busy or boring.

partial perhaps.

Busy, but contented.

Boring, but contented too!

I need some rest seriosly.

another spam out here, so WATCH OUT!

I'm doing good. no worries!

HAVING SWEET DREAM with T.G.I.F!

babyyyeebarbecuebubbleblues. shudddddddapp!

erhe!

Damn!

For one night, I miss my instrument

For only tonight, I miss my band life.

For ton of days I miss my dancing life.

I can't shake as I used to be.

as BACKACHE!

Screwed my mood everytime those hot song playing!

Damn!

I guess medicine doesn't rule!

Bubble bubble bubble pop!

night!

修养

前几天，和哥哥去吃午餐的路程上，突然看到一辆车后贴着了一句名句金言:

“看别人不顺眼，是自己的修养不够！”

当时的我们，却争着要把它po上网!

言归正传！

所以，现在我想要说的事，

本小姐正在练“修养”！

放心！当我修炼成功之时，我会宣告天下！

哈哈哈！

再会！

介绍！介绍！

昨晚看了一部叫《献给你，我的初恋》。真的是把我给哭惨了，拼命告诉自己是一部戏，但还是一直哭，一直哭，哭到今天早上眼睛不知道有多少层！这是我看过最伤心的一部了！我想还比《一公升的眼泪》还要多泪！到现在想到都还想再哭！所以，有谁想要好好大哭一场，就选这部戏来看吧！诚心推荐！

一个星期有过了，我们又要迎接另一个星期。那，我祝大家有个好星期和好心情！晚安！

fucking form 6

Please, human. 

Do not think that I know nothing.

the only reason I don't know, is I don't want to know.

get it?

Please use your brain little, no matter a few neurones or what?

I don't care.

Make it clear!

Do not think that I don't know what is happening right now!

Do not think that I don't know what are you thinking right now!

The only reason I don't know it just as I don't care to know and I don't want to know!

Does it clear now?

I hate to admit it.

Ya, I felt lost right now.

Seriously, who makes me change my mind?

Seriously, what is the asshole reason I wanna step my feet into High School Klang?!

I don't like Form 6 at all.

no matter the life or peoples.

just hating and hating!

Ya, so what?

Form 6 is tough, and makes people be more tougher and stronger after graduate

but so what?

i don't care? get it?

I mean, I'm tough enough!

 I don't need those things at all.

Today is the day when the 2010 STPM students get to know which "U" are they going to.

Suddenly, I felt like I'm a dumbass by choosing form 6 as my core foundation!

Stupid like dumbass!

even stupid like donkey or a pig. babi betul!

They're all fighting their ass off just to enter their dreams U.

But me?

I don't want to enter local U please!

I don't want to stay at here for my 4 years of degree.

I want some changes for my study life.

I need experiment for study abroad.

Once my dear is leaving, and I can so ensure I can't lose my faith to study abroad.

But...........?!

Stupid form 6 makes me felt I'm Ms.Stupid-So-Ever!

I know, I promise to cherish what kind of things I'm having now, including the fucking form 6.

so earlier before, I promised!

but, can you imagine that feeling?

like walking a wrong way to success.

just like you're wasting your time and energy and those fucking stupid tears.

sigh!

get it?

I'm so out of mood right now!

I need my Gbaby's photos right now!

bye

还好，不是只有我一个！

好久没有真正的写一篇网记了！真得很突然的click 到，一位梦想成为旅游家的人大马人。托他的福，我不再觉得我是一个奇怪的人。我想他是一个背包旅游爱好者，头一次的背包旅游献给了沙巴州的山打根。比起那些城市，他更喜欢富有神秘感的热带雨林。读完后，我就觉得超羡慕他的！那次的背包旅行，让他认识到了很多来自世界各地的背包旅行爱好者。也许因为他是男生，所以事情显得比较容易办到！在他的网记中，可以看得出，他正在努力想把马来西亚十三个州都给走完！

“第一次背包旅游在没任何计划下成功完成了， 明白到人生一大道理， 1到100很容易， 0到1却很难。 无论为生活， 为梦想， 就让我们大家一起勇敢的跨出那0到1的一大步， 加油!!”


一边读着他的网记，以便可以发现，他从旅游中和所到过的地方，体会到了很多人们不会去注意的道理，真得很简单！

“人， 活着是为了什么？ 这问题我想每个人都曾经问过自己， 多数都找不到答案。 近期的我， 又再一次跌入大海中， 视野中只看到海平线。 我拼命的游， 努力的游， 为了就是要游到岸边， 但无论我在如何努力的游， 拼命的游， 岸边都不会出现在我的视野里， 因为我在大海中失去了方向， 一切的努力， 一切的拼命也只是围绕着同一个点而已， 只希望能有一艘船经过， 将我救出... （ 与其说我在一次跌入大海， 倒不如说我从未游到岸上 ）
重复性的工作， 给予不到任何的成就感给我， 很想程上辞职信， 就这样逃离所熟悉的地方， 奔向那陌生的国土... 身无分文的我， 又要如何走天下呢？ 目前的我， 真的感觉很 空 虚 ...


15号终于要来临了， 我的一个人之旅， 一个我认为能打救我的旅游来了， 我要借助我一个人旅行的力量， 认真的与心灵深处对话， 看清我到底需要什么... 抛弃一切， 提起背包一走了之吗？ 完成梦想后才来考虑那放下背包后的生活如何过吗？ 那明年我要到纽西兰所需的一笔费用又如何能存到呢？ ”
 

这是他下定决心一个人背包旅游前的一篇！今年的我，19 岁了！不知，到了什么岁数我才有勇气，像他一样，立志走遍天下，一个人！他说，原来背包旅行可以让自己更了解自己，让自己去聆听，平时不想去聆听的内心话。

以上我说过得那位背包旅游爱好者，真得去过好多好多地方，如美国，香港，印度，中国（很多）。。。等等！

好了，如果再写下去，我会忍不住明天就去订机票！想要读一读的话，请按这里，晚安！

Seriously, I don't really care what people talk behind me.

and everyone knows that's called backstabber.

and I don't think my friends do. although they do

because they're my friends. simple reason.

I knew this will happens always in this world pratically.

so I'm learning anyway.

Not learning to be the backstabber or be in the part.

I'm learning how to adapt it.

We have any types of human in this world.

Underneath those naive human, remaining the so-wrong-people

(sorry,  I can't find any nice words except this)

Can you tell me how you feel or what you will do after you discovered the "so-wrong-people" is just beside you.

I'll just smile naively in fact.

As you know, nothing will gonna change although you try to shed your tears.

shaking my head left and right, is the first thing I did when it happens to me.

So, I'm going to live the life that I want.

care the people that I want to.

that's it!

dear leaving

I hate this feeling.

the people you care, they're leaving.

the people you used to care about, they're narrow. they're wrong.

anythings went wrong.

I know I shouldn't cry. but what can I do beside depressed?

I felt I've nothing left after my dear's leaving.

I know it isn't long, but where can I find the strength to face it after knowing those things.

I'm not the only one knew this kind of this shit things, BUT I'm the only one who is staying around those shit things.

Okay,I'm strong enough.

I know my thing.

I can't smile to a person that was so wrong.

how can I talk to a phony?

Anyway, I'm should grateful shiwei's leaving.

maybe she's not so stronger than me. hahaha.

She's flying tomorrow.

Hope she takes good care of herself always.

and God bless her pleaseee!

I lied. I'm going to cry.

Where is my GD's photo? :(

;

在我这个年龄，生气，伤心，或闹小孩脾气，只会降低自己的格调，甚至令自己变得更愚蠢。当遇到委屈时，你只有两个选择。一，算了吧！二，还是算了吧！我这么说不是因为我很好说话，是因为我暂时只想到的只有这个而已了。没有为什么，因为我很大方，虽然很痛，但能怎样？就是不能怎样，所以我才说算了吧！而，我能想到的只有这个了！


在车上，朋友说了一件极为普通的事情，但我却消化不了。为什么？因为不舒服，因为。。。。（算了）

原来，世界就是存在着你永远意想不到的人类，正在做出一些你更本不会联想到的事情。很不舒服，真得很不舒服！

努力，努力着如何更像钢铁般的心智！努力这“拿得起，放得下！”的道理。晚安!

god bless my dear

It is not a big deal for my MUET result. I got Band 3, so what? I'm not buying for local U. But the only problem I'm so worry now is my dear is going going going going going to New Zealand not more than two weeks later. Not only her leaving is wondering me, but also the earthquake in Christchurch. As I remembered last time, she told me her place of study is so near to Christchurch. and there is having another earthquake yesterday. God bless this little long-thin leg BFF. sigh. hope we have a better tomorrow. good night

god-damn

okay. okay. one week gone, another week gone. Mom and brother came back from Turkey too, but my holiday's plan-to-do-revision screwed up. totally screw up. I keep watching variety show, drama, movies, sleep, twitter, facebook, outing, totally slacking around with no pen life. god. Please send someone to motivate me. Or maybe I need some bad result to be the rock and fire for me. I need motivation. Maybe I can conclude it is Play hard, work hard in this entire life. Damn. I'm so regretful right now, but still stay in front of the TV. god-damn. god-damn. I gotta go. schooling day tomorrow. byyeeeeeeee :(

not for the twice.

I'll never give the second chance. never and ever. I can't even imagine how we look like when we trying to get together just like the previous. Hell no way! That's awful for me. I can't imagine. Well, you're not deserve for the second chance. Maybe I should say like that, you're not appreciating, so what the fucking reason I should give you or myself another chance? Is that fool? or jokes? Don't you think life is unpredictable, funny and anything irony? For the past few weeks, I keep thinking the same thing that will not happened to me again, but it did. I'm so so sure what am I doing now. I deleted all my messages in my hand phone's inbox and sent box, and I don't even save the number up. So, does it all over? Great. I hope too!

What I wanna say is, you're still tempting for me, but I'm buying you. Although you're still controlling my emotion sometimes, but I'm not into you already, since I've gave up the tiny little from you.

Just I said in the first sentence. I'll never give the second chance. night.



黄小琥 - 顺其自然

我试着让生活变得简单

对幸福或寂寞顺其自然

偶尔傻傻孤单 偶尔傻傻浪漫

不怕大喜大悲那麽难负担

不想再背负太多期盼

对好奇或关心顺其自然

只是那点不安只是那点心酸

总会忽然扩散 让心又累又茫然

 

 

 

 

黄小琥 - 顺其自然



如果能重来

如果能.............重来？

可是

我不要！

要重来几次后才会明白？
明白，所有事情，一次就好。
没必要重来！

something innermost sympton

How to say?

 What to say?

 Everyone have something inmost.

But you can't describe it as well.

I have something innermost.

But still finding the solution to express.

It's hard.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is leaving, maybe study abroad.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what?

Ironically, right?

Ya, about what?

Nothing.

Maybe anything.

I just 19.

But I keep complaining the whattheheck tiredness.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is stupid, maybe retarded bit.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what again, this time?

Ya, about what again?

Nothing.

or, maybe ANYTHING.

See! I've said I've something inside the bottom of my heart.

But I can't really type into words.

Even I can't really speak out.

I hope this sympton will recover soon when I opened my eyes in the early morning.

night.

I know I'm deep. haha. off!

Holiday started expectedly

Mid-term exam is over. and I can estimate how terrible I'm going to be. Deadly dead just like a dead fish. Not even one paper I'm confident in. okay, not more than 2 paper okay? see! now you know how you going to die if you keep slacking like a bear, keep doing last minute work? See! STPM is not like cooking mamasak or fooling around by gossiping who is the handsome junior in this school or else, you just have one word, DIE!

okay, I should really relax and type something happy. but NO WAY! I should be on the plane now, with my mother and brother for the Turkey vacation. In fact, I can join but..................ERGHHH! Not allowed by my Holy Dad! He want someone accompany, I knew that, but NOT me please! Imma going to cut myself until my flesh isn't there anymore. For what I said NO to my mom when she's asking me about the trip. At that time, I felt there will be more more and even more tuition and STPM is countdowing. Okay, just few seconds for me to calm down and think something positively. Okay, you should think about this way. you can complete all your peta minda and do all your lower six revision within this stupid long vacation time. okay. done! Fine! ERGHH!

Holiday started. but I wished I can have some tuition marathon. Just don't let my brain hibernate for about 2 weeks. You know, I'll still slacking like a bitch although I swear I'll do all my revision. just forget it. fiction, drama, shopping, sleeping, bilibala here I come. duhh! bye!

WALAOOO eh!

I'm going to smack myself badly.

Can someone just let me know whether I'm still living?

Fuck you Malaysia's weather.

WHATTHEHECK?

I guess I'll be lying down on the floor by no reason.

I've no idea about how i look like when I'm sweating.

I'm so fucking pissed off about the weather.

Because "they" just spoiled my handphone.

Don't ask me how.

Maybe I keep put my handphone in my car's drawer

but who to blame?

human being?

I'm too!

I'm still locking myself in the air-con room

walaooo ehhh!

woyaosile !

Today is the signature day for my junior.

I love my junior so much!

Basically, I don't take her as my junior but My FRIEND.

we've known each other since we're in the ballad school when I was 6, and i guess she was just 5.

until I stopped when I was form 4.

just imagine i'm 19, and she's 18 now. really whoaa :)

okay. next week is the Teacher's Day.

The last teacher's day that we can celebrate.

aigooo.

And afterthat, bloody exam will be holding on.

Should I cut myself first?

Because I found anything I've done was SO WRONG.

despo like hell.

no motivation to keep on my revision.

Fuck my lower six life.

I'm a bitch!

just a despo bitch!

 

P.S : Quite a long time to see my photo huh? BUSYY

BITCHES EVERYWHERE!

Are they blind?

Or mentally retarded?

Or they don't own a pair of eyes.

Did their eyes fulfilled with mercury?

Aren't they saw someone just trying hard to do their study in class?

I HATE INDIAN FM.

God! What the F they're thinking?

The mid-year exam is around the corner, and I'm trying my best to do my revision.

But always get some F.O.C cracking indian song around my ears.

I ain't in the good mood recently, thanks for the weather.

It makes me PMS again when the ''sweeeeetest accapella indian song" around my ears

WHATTHEHECK ARE THEY?

DOING NOTHING BUT BITCHING like a P__________e!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

I even more rude if I wanna continue to type.

I've been controlling my temper so nicely.

I can't promise nothing will happen.

Let me take a deeeep breathe.

BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHES EVERYWHERE!

and i'm going to turn myself into a bitch when I was in PMS

just wait.

A lot shoes. bags. jackets. blazers. earrings. plain tee. top. shorts. jumpsuits. leggings.

I'm going to put you all in my closet just after the war.

i'm coming back to normal.

just a moment wanna turn myself to a shopacholic.

I know it's painful. for my purse. hahaha

off!

I'm still breathing

owhhhh. I still own a blog. I'm here to update my blog by telling you guys that I'm still alive just like a normal person who is still breathing. I'm not going to tell you about my how misery my form 6 life is. It's going to end within six months.

Everyday, before I enter my sleep, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when I'm driving alone, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when someone speak the words, I'll be thinking the same thing. and even everyday, when I'm heading for my homework, I'll be thinking the same thing. What am I doing now? It's complicated. blahhhhhh! I'm so confused. disorder.unrest.etc. I can't think anything. Because it won't be solved if I keep thinking again and again. IDK IDK IDK IDK.


Sorry, I can't find the purpose to update my blog recently. I'm not tend to show my weakness via internet to the blog readers by posting those misery,tearing,depress,stressful life that I'm undergoing, because it's not my stye. And, I'm fine too. I'm trying to find answer by myself by the way. Don't you just ask me "What kind of answer?" I pun tak tau. Maybe that is the effect by bringing the adult's elements into the child's world.

I'm going 19 as I said in the last few posts. I was no more 6, or maybe 12 or 17. I was no more depending on others, even though I'm quite independence since I was young. The feeling is sucks. I hate it so much. It's nuts. Because there is no more just books, tv, papa and mama, sweets, homeworks, computer games, play seek and hide.. It's about anything. We're force to accept a lot of things that we couldn't. but we have to. We are force to think what we do not want to. We are force to face the obstacles or truth that we can't even accept it. What to do? as we're no more children. so that's why I hate I was 19. It's really a critical time. I know you might laughing what the heck I wanna think too much? IDK again. Nowadays, I found the society is sicked. Badly sicked. Hence, I'm sicked to "it" too! get to off. bye.

女人

从女涡造人，女人永远是弱的一群，比起男生。

女人，你若不自爱，那你凭什么要别人来爱你？

你的情人？朋友？还是家人？

女人，你若犯贱，那你凭什么怨天尤人地生活。

女人，你若不珍惜自己，那你凭什么让别人来珍惜你？

自爱，珍惜，自重，才是女人保护自己的方法。

哪怕是被人抛弃，也要抬头挺胸地说：“谢谢你，你让我的世界变得更有选择！”

哪怕是找不到涌起了，也要深呼吸地说:" 我不相信本小姐就不能完成！”

哪怕遇到自己喜欢但不能喜欢的人，说：“世界的男人又不是死完了！？”

珍惜，自爱，自重

没有哪些比这个更重要了！

女人

问号2

在车上，话题不断不断的绕着赚钱，赚钱，赚钱。

望着车窗外，常常在想，人生到底是什么？

到底需要什么？

钱吗？

人生除了钱，就没有了吗？

那么没意义吗？

也许你会说，其实人生出了赚钱，还有存在着更多的事情。

但，绕了一圈，你是否会发现，一切事物都绕着同一个东西。

那就是[钱]

念书，从何时开始变成赚钱的阶梯呢？

那为何要念书？

仅是为了赚更多的钱吗？

你不觉得好笑吗？

不是的，人生还有包含了很多东西。

知识，只是一部分。

只是，我还没体验到罢了！

太多问号！

我快19岁了。我快19岁了。

其实，长大，一点都不好玩！

不知为何，突然我的“生活”多了很多问号。

为什么会有心跳？

为什么会思考？

为什么手指会动？

为什么眼睛会看到色彩？

为什么不开心时，就会哭？不会笑？

为什么[人]会开心？

为什么[人]会笑？

为什么[人]一打从娘胎，就要念书？

如果不念书，就不能活着吗？

为什么[人]要因着社会需求而改变自己？

为什么[人]就不能跟着自己的期望而活？

为什么大人叫我们念书，我们就要念书？

为什么念书后，就要工作？

如果不工作，就没有钱吗？

为什么[人]需要钱？

如果一个[人]没有了钱，就活不了吗？

如果这世界没有钱的存在的话，会怎样？

小时所感觉到的事情，为什么和现在差那么多？

为什么小孩的世界永远比大人的世界简单？

难道不能倒反？

为什么会有[现实]呢？

为什么往往是我们接受[现实]？

如果不接受[现实]的话，也活不了吗？

为什么[现实]不能因我们而改变?

到底是[现实]可怕？还是[人]可怕？

为什么着世界会有亲情，友情，还有爱情？

如果没有了这些，[人]就活不下吗？

难道，[人]就不能简简单单的生，简简单单的活？

什么都没有的生活，不可以吗？

为什么[人]会存在这个空间里？

是怎样来到这个空间的？

在那之前，[人]有到底曾在哪里存在过？

为什么[人]都要经过那些不知碎设下的规律来活着？

[人]为什么都要依照生老病死？

[人]为什么就要先念书，在工作，然后结婚，接着生孩子，到了一定的年纪，就开始等死。

如果早知道会死，那么为什么会存在呢？

那活着，到底是为了什么？

为了让别人来纪念？

人生，到底是什么？

很困惑！真的不知道。

为什么人会想到那么多的为什么？

但却不能解决？

别问我是否疯了！因为这些问题已存在了许久，自己也不知道该怎样！

问答题！

Ｑ：你曾经面对过情绪低落的时候吗？什么原因? 会不会让你产生悲观的想法？
Ａ：是人都会有情绪低落的时候吧！原因？很多，大多是压力吧！悲观就悲观啦！但不至于会做傻事！说到来，我还是一个理智的人！

Ｑ：你是怎么熬过来的？
Ａ：相信‘雨过天晴！天更美！记住！有时要被动得去解决问题！事情也不是那么难罢了！所有的问题，都是始于自己不够勇敢去解决！

Ｑ：你现在生活的重点在哪里？
Ａ：挑战自己！

Ｑ：你现在有人生的寄托或目标吗？
Ａ：寄托是家人！目标嘛，做人吧！也算是吧？！

Ｑ：当你失去这个目标怎么办？
Ａ：如果失去做人的目标的话，请问，你还能活着吗？当然，在自己的原则上，尽量不会去失去这个目标！我会尽量的好好［做人］！当然学习也是其一，可是不是全部！

Ｑ：当你在最失意时，是怎样鼓励自己？
Ａ：人生嘛！总会有最惨的的时候。就当每次，都是最惨。然后，以后的日子就会更好过啊！

Ｑ：在你最失意的时候，你又想过自杀吗？
Ａ：你老娘把你十月怀胎生了下来，要自尽？好歹也叫老爸老妈捅你一刀，以还他们那么多年的养育之恩吧！

;

如过撑不下，谁可以帮我?

fuck you! form 6

I hate form 6.

I hate form 6.

I hate form 6.

what I can comfortable myself is challenge do exist always.

I need someone who can give more strength.

damn.

i still hate form 6.

fuck you! form 6

i'm still alive

I'm still alive.

Thanks god.

In fact, I'm not so religious actually

but when we take a look that what happened in Japan,

we should really rejoice that we're still breathing.

Everyone do watch 2012 right?

Based on the calculation of Maya, the world will be end by 21st Dec 2012.

all the mankind will be cover by an enormous Tsunami.

and for sure I'll die easily because I don't know how to swim

seriously, I don't know what to blog now?

about the fucking stpm?

holy god. I don't want my blog full these shit!

I'm in holidays now. but still stick around in every corner in my house.

I just wish I can motivate by stay in front the book every 24-7

baby goodnight!

listening :T.O.P & Gdragon - Baby good night!

hate to be a virgo

Sorry for lefting my blog like this. I'm so so stressful everyday about the moutain of homework, the countdown for STPM, the gossips queen existence, the blabbermouth of teacher, the two pregnant teacher, the lack of sleep for me.......etc. I can count until 10000 if I continue. But what to do. I keep pray hard and even harder that can keep me strong. I keep myself to stay strength by not slacking like a dog without touching my pen. But what to do? This is the path that difficult to walk, but I have chose.

Sometimes, I may doing or overthinking something stupidly. Just because I'm a virgo. A virgo can't accept something change drastically without their plan or even permission. They will totally break down into the feet of mountain. What I think the person should be, he or she must be. I always expecting something that I shouldn't. I'm trying. I'm trying not to be such overthinking, I'm trying not put so much effort on one thing, or I can say anything. Because once it's different from my plan, I'll totally break down. Of course I know, this is not the time for me to show off my overthinking skills now, but what to do. I ain't controlling the mind. The brain is controlling the caps of overthinking, even though the flows of my tears. All of them is under my brain control. What can I do? I don't want the thing to be any regretful or what. Maybe just 1 quote!

That's is NOTHING TO DO WITH ME okay? done! bye!

What a Valentine!

God. I'm gonna cry as well as I die at here.

Stupid Valentine that just boost me a very Big hope.

But crashed into pieces not more than 6 hours.

Why not in the holiday?

I want to make it true please

Ya, what I said is the Korea dream trip with dear

Damn! But parents not allow me to skip my school just for this kind of vacation.

Eww! and me too.

But, I so wanna make it.

Whom am I going to blame?

Is that my parents? by the way, they're right in the way.

STPM is no jokes k?

Or dear's aunt? why can't she just booked the ticket lately a week after 16th May?

I hate it.

It's a free n easy trip la wei. I wanna snap as much as the mold get melted

everything will feel so right at there! if i can make it.

Nabi Muhammad s.w.t! I knew it's your birthday now.

And of course thank you for the public holiday.

But, can you pay me another favor?

Please try to make some miracle happen for me.

Oh maybe Jesus can help me to translate if "god" can't really get it what I mean!

I WANNNNNNNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

I so want the Korea dreamy trip instead of a valentine as a gift in my 19th Valentine days!

Stupid!

-crossfinger-

pray for me please!

that's what we called fate. But im not telling about the story.

I felt funny about that.

That's what we called ''fate''.

I don't want to say a thing about that again.

And the only thing I can do is keep act like dumby.

I will just keep all these in my side of trash box.
In case, i need it in the future.
HAHAHAHAHA.
I was just like :"..................OMFG! Is that real?-_____________________-"

Nothing will change although I knew the thing.

Blaaaaaa!

God bless me.

you know what am I aspecting "You" to do with me.

P.S : I just coloured my nail with flower. Chinese New year ma...

P.SS : It looks awful! i'm not scaring you now.

bye!

；

人啊，有时不可以过得那么幸福。

会怕的！

Cough cough

Ulcer!

Sore Throat!

After that Cough pulak!

C'mon lahh! It's going Chinese New Year!

Aduhhh!

I wanna drink many many cold drinks!

I wanna eat many many oily delicious food!

Now I felt a little problem of my lungs jugak!

Please don't bring along asthma please!

Cough cough cough coughhhhhhhhhhh like HELLLLLL :(

SS3

SuperShow 3 is coming to Malaysia. I'm not so excited perhaps. The major reason is teman my dear go for a concert since the last time is S.H.E one. She's leaving this July. And the other reason is when can I watch the full complete SUJU, since Heechul and Leetuek is going to enlist. We must cherish for every opportunity when they're going to stand in front of us. Still remember I was tearing when Micky was standing just five feet in front of me. But how now? Another sad case! So, cherish yea when the group you like is going to stand in front of you. Because you don't know what will happen next, maybe contract get terminated or disbanded! Choi choi choi! Touchwood! What's going to the kpop nowadays? I have no idea because I din't click in to for quite a long time. Can be named as a little bit outdated! Sigh. Hope the ticket won't be sold out so quickly.

I still stressful on my study.

Cherish. Cherish and Cherish.

What can I say instead of this word?


P.S : How cute Kyuhyun is!
P.SS : Dear's fishy pun lengzhai lahhh. but I like Kyuhyun the most. Slurrrrp :)