;

在我这个年龄，生气，伤心，或闹小孩脾气，只会降低自己的格调，甚至令自己变得更愚蠢。当遇到委屈时，你只有两个选择。一，算了吧！二，还是算了吧！我这么说不是因为我很好说话，是因为我暂时只想到的只有这个而已了。没有为什么，因为我很大方，虽然很痛，但能怎样？就是不能怎样，所以我才说算了吧！而，我能想到的只有这个了！


在车上，朋友说了一件极为普通的事情，但我却消化不了。为什么？因为不舒服，因为。。。。（算了）

原来，世界就是存在着你永远意想不到的人类，正在做出一些你更本不会联想到的事情。很不舒服，真得很不舒服！

努力，努力着如何更像钢铁般的心智！努力这“拿得起，放得下！”的道理。晚安!

god bless my dear

It is not a big deal for my MUET result. I got Band 3, so what? I'm not buying for local U. But the only problem I'm so worry now is my dear is going going going going going to New Zealand not more than two weeks later. Not only her leaving is wondering me, but also the earthquake in Christchurch. As I remembered last time, she told me her place of study is so near to Christchurch. and there is having another earthquake yesterday. God bless this little long-thin leg BFF. sigh. hope we have a better tomorrow. good night

god-damn

okay. okay. one week gone, another week gone. Mom and brother came back from Turkey too, but my holiday's plan-to-do-revision screwed up. totally screw up. I keep watching variety show, drama, movies, sleep, twitter, facebook, outing, totally slacking around with no pen life. god. Please send someone to motivate me. Or maybe I need some bad result to be the rock and fire for me. I need motivation. Maybe I can conclude it is Play hard, work hard in this entire life. Damn. I'm so regretful right now, but still stay in front of the TV. god-damn. god-damn. I gotta go. schooling day tomorrow. byyeeeeeeee :(

not for the twice.

I'll never give the second chance. never and ever. I can't even imagine how we look like when we trying to get together just like the previous. Hell no way! That's awful for me. I can't imagine. Well, you're not deserve for the second chance. Maybe I should say like that, you're not appreciating, so what the fucking reason I should give you or myself another chance? Is that fool? or jokes? Don't you think life is unpredictable, funny and anything irony? For the past few weeks, I keep thinking the same thing that will not happened to me again, but it did. I'm so so sure what am I doing now. I deleted all my messages in my hand phone's inbox and sent box, and I don't even save the number up. So, does it all over? Great. I hope too!

What I wanna say is, you're still tempting for me, but I'm buying you. Although you're still controlling my emotion sometimes, but I'm not into you already, since I've gave up the tiny little from you.

Just I said in the first sentence. I'll never give the second chance. night.



黄小琥 - 顺其自然

我试着让生活变得简单

对幸福或寂寞顺其自然

偶尔傻傻孤单 偶尔傻傻浪漫

不怕大喜大悲那麽难负担

不想再背负太多期盼

对好奇或关心顺其自然

只是那点不安只是那点心酸

总会忽然扩散 让心又累又茫然

 

 

 

 

黄小琥 - 顺其自然



如果能重来

如果能.............重来？

可是

我不要！

要重来几次后才会明白？
明白，所有事情，一次就好。
没必要重来！

something innermost sympton

How to say?

 What to say?

 Everyone have something inmost.

But you can't describe it as well.

I have something innermost.

But still finding the solution to express.

It's hard.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is leaving, maybe study abroad.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what?

Ironically, right?

Ya, about what?

Nothing.

Maybe anything.

I just 19.

But I keep complaining the whattheheck tiredness.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is stupid, maybe retarded bit.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what again, this time?

Ya, about what again?

Nothing.

or, maybe ANYTHING.

See! I've said I've something inside the bottom of my heart.

But I can't really type into words.

Even I can't really speak out.

I hope this sympton will recover soon when I opened my eyes in the early morning.

night.

I know I'm deep. haha. off!

Holiday started expectedly

Mid-term exam is over. and I can estimate how terrible I'm going to be. Deadly dead just like a dead fish. Not even one paper I'm confident in. okay, not more than 2 paper okay? see! now you know how you going to die if you keep slacking like a bear, keep doing last minute work? See! STPM is not like cooking mamasak or fooling around by gossiping who is the handsome junior in this school or else, you just have one word, DIE!

okay, I should really relax and type something happy. but NO WAY! I should be on the plane now, with my mother and brother for the Turkey vacation. In fact, I can join but..................ERGHHH! Not allowed by my Holy Dad! He want someone accompany, I knew that, but NOT me please! Imma going to cut myself until my flesh isn't there anymore. For what I said NO to my mom when she's asking me about the trip. At that time, I felt there will be more more and even more tuition and STPM is countdowing. Okay, just few seconds for me to calm down and think something positively. Okay, you should think about this way. you can complete all your peta minda and do all your lower six revision within this stupid long vacation time. okay. done! Fine! ERGHH!

Holiday started. but I wished I can have some tuition marathon. Just don't let my brain hibernate for about 2 weeks. You know, I'll still slacking like a bitch although I swear I'll do all my revision. just forget it. fiction, drama, shopping, sleeping, bilibala here I come. duhh! bye!

WALAOOO eh!

I'm going to smack myself badly.

Can someone just let me know whether I'm still living?

Fuck you Malaysia's weather.

WHATTHEHECK?

I guess I'll be lying down on the floor by no reason.

I've no idea about how i look like when I'm sweating.

I'm so fucking pissed off about the weather.

Because "they" just spoiled my handphone.

Don't ask me how.

Maybe I keep put my handphone in my car's drawer

but who to blame?

human being?

I'm too!

I'm still locking myself in the air-con room

walaooo ehhh!

woyaosile !

Today is the signature day for my junior.

I love my junior so much!

Basically, I don't take her as my junior but My FRIEND.

we've known each other since we're in the ballad school when I was 6, and i guess she was just 5.

until I stopped when I was form 4.

just imagine i'm 19, and she's 18 now. really whoaa :)

okay. next week is the Teacher's Day.

The last teacher's day that we can celebrate.

aigooo.

And afterthat, bloody exam will be holding on.

Should I cut myself first?

Because I found anything I've done was SO WRONG.

despo like hell.

no motivation to keep on my revision.

Fuck my lower six life.

I'm a bitch!

just a despo bitch!

 

P.S : Quite a long time to see my photo huh? BUSYY

BITCHES EVERYWHERE!

Are they blind?

Or mentally retarded?

Or they don't own a pair of eyes.

Did their eyes fulfilled with mercury?

Aren't they saw someone just trying hard to do their study in class?

I HATE INDIAN FM.

God! What the F they're thinking?

The mid-year exam is around the corner, and I'm trying my best to do my revision.

But always get some F.O.C cracking indian song around my ears.

I ain't in the good mood recently, thanks for the weather.

It makes me PMS again when the ''sweeeeetest accapella indian song" around my ears

WHATTHEHECK ARE THEY?

DOING NOTHING BUT BITCHING like a P__________e!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

I even more rude if I wanna continue to type.

I've been controlling my temper so nicely.

I can't promise nothing will happen.

Let me take a deeeep breathe.

BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHES EVERYWHERE!

and i'm going to turn myself into a bitch when I was in PMS

just wait.

A lot shoes. bags. jackets. blazers. earrings. plain tee. top. shorts. jumpsuits. leggings.

I'm going to put you all in my closet just after the war.

i'm coming back to normal.

just a moment wanna turn myself to a shopacholic.

I know it's painful. for my purse. hahaha

off!

I'm still breathing

owhhhh. I still own a blog. I'm here to update my blog by telling you guys that I'm still alive just like a normal person who is still breathing. I'm not going to tell you about my how misery my form 6 life is. It's going to end within six months.

Everyday, before I enter my sleep, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when I'm driving alone, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when someone speak the words, I'll be thinking the same thing. and even everyday, when I'm heading for my homework, I'll be thinking the same thing. What am I doing now? It's complicated. blahhhhhh! I'm so confused. disorder.unrest.etc. I can't think anything. Because it won't be solved if I keep thinking again and again. IDK IDK IDK IDK.


Sorry, I can't find the purpose to update my blog recently. I'm not tend to show my weakness via internet to the blog readers by posting those misery,tearing,depress,stressful life that I'm undergoing, because it's not my stye. And, I'm fine too. I'm trying to find answer by myself by the way. Don't you just ask me "What kind of answer?" I pun tak tau. Maybe that is the effect by bringing the adult's elements into the child's world.

I'm going 19 as I said in the last few posts. I was no more 6, or maybe 12 or 17. I was no more depending on others, even though I'm quite independence since I was young. The feeling is sucks. I hate it so much. It's nuts. Because there is no more just books, tv, papa and mama, sweets, homeworks, computer games, play seek and hide.. It's about anything. We're force to accept a lot of things that we couldn't. but we have to. We are force to think what we do not want to. We are force to face the obstacles or truth that we can't even accept it. What to do? as we're no more children. so that's why I hate I was 19. It's really a critical time. I know you might laughing what the heck I wanna think too much? IDK again. Nowadays, I found the society is sicked. Badly sicked. Hence, I'm sicked to "it" too! get to off. bye.

女人

从女涡造人，女人永远是弱的一群，比起男生。

女人，你若不自爱，那你凭什么要别人来爱你？

你的情人？朋友？还是家人？

女人，你若犯贱，那你凭什么怨天尤人地生活。

女人，你若不珍惜自己，那你凭什么让别人来珍惜你？

自爱，珍惜，自重，才是女人保护自己的方法。

哪怕是被人抛弃，也要抬头挺胸地说：“谢谢你，你让我的世界变得更有选择！”

哪怕是找不到涌起了，也要深呼吸地说:" 我不相信本小姐就不能完成！”

哪怕遇到自己喜欢但不能喜欢的人，说：“世界的男人又不是死完了！？”

珍惜，自爱，自重

没有哪些比这个更重要了！

女人

问号2

在车上，话题不断不断的绕着赚钱，赚钱，赚钱。

望着车窗外，常常在想，人生到底是什么？

到底需要什么？

钱吗？

人生除了钱，就没有了吗？

那么没意义吗？

也许你会说，其实人生出了赚钱，还有存在着更多的事情。

但，绕了一圈，你是否会发现，一切事物都绕着同一个东西。

那就是[钱]

念书，从何时开始变成赚钱的阶梯呢？

那为何要念书？

仅是为了赚更多的钱吗？

你不觉得好笑吗？

不是的，人生还有包含了很多东西。

知识，只是一部分。

只是，我还没体验到罢了！

太多问号！

我快19岁了。我快19岁了。

其实，长大，一点都不好玩！

不知为何，突然我的“生活”多了很多问号。

为什么会有心跳？

为什么会思考？

为什么手指会动？

为什么眼睛会看到色彩？

为什么不开心时，就会哭？不会笑？

为什么[人]会开心？

为什么[人]会笑？

为什么[人]一打从娘胎，就要念书？

如果不念书，就不能活着吗？

为什么[人]要因着社会需求而改变自己？

为什么[人]就不能跟着自己的期望而活？

为什么大人叫我们念书，我们就要念书？

为什么念书后，就要工作？

如果不工作，就没有钱吗？

为什么[人]需要钱？

如果一个[人]没有了钱，就活不了吗？

如果这世界没有钱的存在的话，会怎样？

小时所感觉到的事情，为什么和现在差那么多？

为什么小孩的世界永远比大人的世界简单？

难道不能倒反？

为什么会有[现实]呢？

为什么往往是我们接受[现实]？

如果不接受[现实]的话，也活不了吗？

为什么[现实]不能因我们而改变?

到底是[现实]可怕？还是[人]可怕？

为什么着世界会有亲情，友情，还有爱情？

如果没有了这些，[人]就活不下吗？

难道，[人]就不能简简单单的生，简简单单的活？

什么都没有的生活，不可以吗？

为什么[人]会存在这个空间里？

是怎样来到这个空间的？

在那之前，[人]有到底曾在哪里存在过？

为什么[人]都要经过那些不知碎设下的规律来活着？

[人]为什么都要依照生老病死？

[人]为什么就要先念书，在工作，然后结婚，接着生孩子，到了一定的年纪，就开始等死。

如果早知道会死，那么为什么会存在呢？

那活着，到底是为了什么？

为了让别人来纪念？

人生，到底是什么？

很困惑！真的不知道。

为什么人会想到那么多的为什么？

但却不能解决？

别问我是否疯了！因为这些问题已存在了许久，自己也不知道该怎样！

问答题！

Ｑ：你曾经面对过情绪低落的时候吗？什么原因? 会不会让你产生悲观的想法？
Ａ：是人都会有情绪低落的时候吧！原因？很多，大多是压力吧！悲观就悲观啦！但不至于会做傻事！说到来，我还是一个理智的人！

Ｑ：你是怎么熬过来的？
Ａ：相信‘雨过天晴！天更美！记住！有时要被动得去解决问题！事情也不是那么难罢了！所有的问题，都是始于自己不够勇敢去解决！

Ｑ：你现在生活的重点在哪里？
Ａ：挑战自己！

Ｑ：你现在有人生的寄托或目标吗？
Ａ：寄托是家人！目标嘛，做人吧！也算是吧？！

Ｑ：当你失去这个目标怎么办？
Ａ：如果失去做人的目标的话，请问，你还能活着吗？当然，在自己的原则上，尽量不会去失去这个目标！我会尽量的好好［做人］！当然学习也是其一，可是不是全部！

Ｑ：当你在最失意时，是怎样鼓励自己？
Ａ：人生嘛！总会有最惨的的时候。就当每次，都是最惨。然后，以后的日子就会更好过啊！

Ｑ：在你最失意的时候，你又想过自杀吗？
Ａ：你老娘把你十月怀胎生了下来，要自尽？好歹也叫老爸老妈捅你一刀，以还他们那么多年的养育之恩吧！

;

如过撑不下，谁可以帮我?

fuck you! form 6

I hate form 6.

I hate form 6.

I hate form 6.

what I can comfortable myself is challenge do exist always.

I need someone who can give more strength.

damn.

i still hate form 6.

fuck you! form 6

i'm still alive

I'm still alive.

Thanks god.

In fact, I'm not so religious actually

but when we take a look that what happened in Japan,

we should really rejoice that we're still breathing.

Everyone do watch 2012 right?

Based on the calculation of Maya, the world will be end by 21st Dec 2012.

all the mankind will be cover by an enormous Tsunami.

and for sure I'll die easily because I don't know how to swim

seriously, I don't know what to blog now?

about the fucking stpm?

holy god. I don't want my blog full these shit!

I'm in holidays now. but still stick around in every corner in my house.

I just wish I can motivate by stay in front the book every 24-7

baby goodnight!

listening :T.O.P & Gdragon - Baby good night!

hate to be a virgo

Sorry for lefting my blog like this. I'm so so stressful everyday about the moutain of homework, the countdown for STPM, the gossips queen existence, the blabbermouth of teacher, the two pregnant teacher, the lack of sleep for me.......etc. I can count until 10000 if I continue. But what to do. I keep pray hard and even harder that can keep me strong. I keep myself to stay strength by not slacking like a dog without touching my pen. But what to do? This is the path that difficult to walk, but I have chose.

Sometimes, I may doing or overthinking something stupidly. Just because I'm a virgo. A virgo can't accept something change drastically without their plan or even permission. They will totally break down into the feet of mountain. What I think the person should be, he or she must be. I always expecting something that I shouldn't. I'm trying. I'm trying not to be such overthinking, I'm trying not put so much effort on one thing, or I can say anything. Because once it's different from my plan, I'll totally break down. Of course I know, this is not the time for me to show off my overthinking skills now, but what to do. I ain't controlling the mind. The brain is controlling the caps of overthinking, even though the flows of my tears. All of them is under my brain control. What can I do? I don't want the thing to be any regretful or what. Maybe just 1 quote!

That's is NOTHING TO DO WITH ME okay? done! bye!