致弟弟的一封信

好轻易地离去 

轻易得让我不肯相信这就是事实

我没有其他人的仁慈

我没有我伯伯的宽宏大量。

如果换作是我，

我不可能对你说：“请不要自责，我们不会怪你！”

我说不出口

年纪不是借口。

是生命。

用生命来交换的原谅，代价太大的。

没有人知道你下半辈子都在做什么，

但，

愧疚，

应该是你下半辈子的负担。

不敢哭得太惨，

因为我不是应该最伤心的那个。

弟弟，

我的心很痛。

大家的心都很痛。

痛死了。

想到，就很痛。

不敢哭，

因为我们都怕你走得不好。

弟弟，

我的心很痛。

大家的心很痛

就这样，没了。

没了。

这是奶奶跟我说的

不重要

都不重要了。

所有想要坚持，想要奢有的东西

都不重要了。

没有什么比自己身边的人待身边还要幸福了！

都不重要了。

我只想要，我想要他呆在身边的人可以好好的，

我什么都可以了。

弟弟啊

只希望你要好好庇佑非常爱你的家人

 也请你啊，

下辈子过得快乐点，平安点，开心点，可以享受说不能享受的。

哥哥姐姐们都会想你的。

我们都会想你的

希望你，

在另一个世界可以很好很好的，

很好很好地过生活。

 不要有挂念！  

一路好走

姐姐会想你的。

毓筠姐姐上

走了








。

never been so bad before

now playing : DBSK - Insa

It's now October and I felt I was even more nearer to hell and heaven.

I shouldn't blog for the time being now.

but still.....

ya. I've been blowing off how miserable my stpm life is.

and now I'm still the same situation.

can't stop thinking the day without stress of exam

I mean, everyone have stress in every stage.

but how come I didn't sense it will be so terrible during last time.

it's the worst I swear.

back to the first sentence

I was even more nearer to hell and heaven

I guess many ones will get what I wanna say easily.

time flies.

stpm is coming nearer and nearer to me.

this is the hell.

and of course freedom is coming after the nightmare

this is the heaven.

I don't know is this the stress?

I don't know how come I will surface it so terribly now.

until I wanna bang my head badly, headache.

maybe it was the process.

I heard someone said that "Transformation always painful"

and now, I hoped everything I did was worth.

I don't want to talk about my result.

as there've nothing for me to be proud at all.

I mean, I did worse than the last time.

I can't blame teacher, but I did.

I should work hard more.

but you know sometimes, I felt so tired being working hard with no border line.

receiving the wrong information.

i was exhausted.

 1 more month to go.

god bless me.

courage me.

please

I know, I should appreciate as

it was the gift of God.

so, I should say thank you right?

after this please.

感慨

如果有如果，我想问你，为什么就那么不珍惜生命？

一通突如其来的电话，把我们一家人的心情搞砸了！

尤其是我读书的心情！

发生事故，大家都慌了！

尤其是她们那一家。

幸运总是不怎么站在他们那边。

命水，这回事，真的，认了！

刚想起去年我们的谈话，

顿时觉得向来不怎么和我们聊天的堂弟，

有好多我没有的感慨

觉得失败，是我突如其来的感觉。

应该珍惜。

凡是都要珍惜。

哪怕让自己伤心生气地事情也要珍惜！

random updated

Trial is coming. 

I don't think I can handle well.

sigh. 

exhausted!

Sabah is a paradise

short quick update here.

YA! I'm going here with my friend next January

Trust me, we'll totally have fun at there :)

just won't be any interruption for the weather during that day we've chosen!

I miss the sunshine of beach

and I miss to hang out with my lovey buddies.

time to bed 

have a sweeeeeeeeeeeet dream!

Gdragon leaves a letter to the VIPs

G dragon just leaves a message to the VIPs. 

here the translation:

Hello VIP .. ^^

It’s been so long .. Have you been well?

I should’ve written you letters often and stuff but it’s all just talk, I’m sorry ..

Now soon BIGBANG would meet its fifth anniversary, and my birthday is coming near. Thank you for already congratulating us/me ~ really..!

If I think about it, I always got overflowing love, more than I deserve, every birthday.. but on this year’s birthday, since it’s BIGBANG’s fifth anniversary and all, I thought I would do something good and meaningful and now I attempt to write a letter which I've never been so good at writing, with my ugly handwriting and shy heart.. I know that up until now, my beautiful fans have done angelic deeds and helped others out in my name. (I think I have luck in meeting great fans ?! ㅋ) But this year, dear fans, I would like to pay back, in the name of VIP..! And I have something to ask you. On this year’s birthday, I will politely decline all presents. My pretties’ hearts are more~ than enough, so just wish me a happy birthday with warm hearts and no more~ ^^

From now on, I hope I won't just receive from you, but rather making meaningful time and memories together. In this happy mind, I send you a ‘last farewell’~

I don’t wanna be without you VIP~ ♬

Forever, as a leader of BIGBANG, as a leader of G-Dragon, I will work hard ‘day by day’ to show you the awesome and mature us/me! 

Be careful of your health in this hot weather ~ dont ‘have an affair’!

bye~ ♥

Okay, this letter just bring me up!

annyeonggg, Jiyong oppa! hahaha

人

人活着的意义应当是在过程，而不是结论。所以一个人不应该以自己的经验和观点去影响另一个人，何况他不是你，你也不是他。每一个人成长的过程都不一样，人生的酸甜苦辣应当自己尝一尝，尝试才是人生

这也许不是真正的答案，但我很满意！

加油！

form 6 is a camping life

July is over. what an unproductive month. let me slack for the last day please! I can foresee the revenge of being laziness! result of trial after the hari raya. ya ya ya, i know. I'm trying my very best to stay focus. i just need a little bit of motivation only okay? so, July is really a holy hell busy plus sad add-on with the spirit of slack month. trust me, I don't really done my work nicely. Just wonder why I wanna working so hard in my study while the STPM's result doesn't really help me out for my University. I was thinking like maybe I can use my STPM result paper to mop the shit of the floor when I was studying abroad in 1 year later. USELESS. Well, maybe I can put it like a certifcate for being so not-yourself-stupid-2-years-sucks-fucking-camping-life-in-19-years-school-uniform-erhee-government-malays-school. I'm out of mood. bye!

p.s : don't hate form 6 please, who ever read this post! blaaaah!

难得糊涂

对这世界毫无兴趣的人，别人也不会对你有兴趣！

我很好，别担心！就突然想到郑板桥的“难得糊涂！”.

反而，想念了在远方的朋友！

希望她永远都那么好！

黄思蔚小姐,我命令你,跟我吃多点！

quicky updates

what a tiring week. Having interview and tour and technique for STPM papers non stop for the holy week. I'm exhausted. bla bla bla. I'm treated my juniors so good in attitude and it never happens in the past, what's going on me? I don't know where's my temper right now? maybe hiding themselves somewhere else. hahaha! okay, i have to rest. and i know i'm running out of time for the trial!

god bless for my explorace, I hoped I get kicked out by the group. what a "holy jesus group" adui. night!

人要向前看！

因为啊，人生短短几十年，当然是为了自己而活！

 

我啊，很烦！所以不像再去想了！

发生就发生了！

即使，出现在眼前，或别人提起，也懒得再去想了！

因为，我已把所有的不想，打入冷宫了！

有空的时候，才去想吧！

 

人要向前看！

 

但我还是想预祝那些，平时不多烧香拜佛，蠢得让人识破自己，却还以为自己正在独秀着的人类，马到成功！

 

摇头-ing!

 

wo yao qu sui jiao le!

boring. busy. erhe!

Sometimes, I might wondering wheter I like busy or boring.

partial perhaps.

Busy, but contented.

Boring, but contented too!

I need some rest seriosly.

another spam out here, so WATCH OUT!

I'm doing good. no worries!

HAVING SWEET DREAM with T.G.I.F!

babyyyeebarbecuebubbleblues. shudddddddapp!

erhe!

Damn!

For one night, I miss my instrument

For only tonight, I miss my band life.

For ton of days I miss my dancing life.

I can't shake as I used to be.

as BACKACHE!

Screwed my mood everytime those hot song playing!

Damn!

I guess medicine doesn't rule!

Bubble bubble bubble pop!

night!

修养

前几天，和哥哥去吃午餐的路程上，突然看到一辆车后贴着了一句名句金言:

“看别人不顺眼，是自己的修养不够！”

当时的我们，却争着要把它po上网!

言归正传！

所以，现在我想要说的事，

本小姐正在练“修养”！

放心！当我修炼成功之时，我会宣告天下！

哈哈哈！

再会！

介绍！介绍！

昨晚看了一部叫《献给你，我的初恋》。真的是把我给哭惨了，拼命告诉自己是一部戏，但还是一直哭，一直哭，哭到今天早上眼睛不知道有多少层！这是我看过最伤心的一部了！我想还比《一公升的眼泪》还要多泪！到现在想到都还想再哭！所以，有谁想要好好大哭一场，就选这部戏来看吧！诚心推荐！

一个星期有过了，我们又要迎接另一个星期。那，我祝大家有个好星期和好心情！晚安！

fucking form 6

Please, human. 

Do not think that I know nothing.

the only reason I don't know, is I don't want to know.

get it?

Please use your brain little, no matter a few neurones or what?

I don't care.

Make it clear!

Do not think that I don't know what is happening right now!

Do not think that I don't know what are you thinking right now!

The only reason I don't know it just as I don't care to know and I don't want to know!

Does it clear now?

I hate to admit it.

Ya, I felt lost right now.

Seriously, who makes me change my mind?

Seriously, what is the asshole reason I wanna step my feet into High School Klang?!

I don't like Form 6 at all.

no matter the life or peoples.

just hating and hating!

Ya, so what?

Form 6 is tough, and makes people be more tougher and stronger after graduate

but so what?

i don't care? get it?

I mean, I'm tough enough!

 I don't need those things at all.

Today is the day when the 2010 STPM students get to know which "U" are they going to.

Suddenly, I felt like I'm a dumbass by choosing form 6 as my core foundation!

Stupid like dumbass!

even stupid like donkey or a pig. babi betul!

They're all fighting their ass off just to enter their dreams U.

But me?

I don't want to enter local U please!

I don't want to stay at here for my 4 years of degree.

I want some changes for my study life.

I need experiment for study abroad.

Once my dear is leaving, and I can so ensure I can't lose my faith to study abroad.

But...........?!

Stupid form 6 makes me felt I'm Ms.Stupid-So-Ever!

I know, I promise to cherish what kind of things I'm having now, including the fucking form 6.

so earlier before, I promised!

but, can you imagine that feeling?

like walking a wrong way to success.

just like you're wasting your time and energy and those fucking stupid tears.

sigh!

get it?

I'm so out of mood right now!

I need my Gbaby's photos right now!

bye

还好，不是只有我一个！

好久没有真正的写一篇网记了！真得很突然的click 到，一位梦想成为旅游家的人大马人。托他的福，我不再觉得我是一个奇怪的人。我想他是一个背包旅游爱好者，头一次的背包旅游献给了沙巴州的山打根。比起那些城市，他更喜欢富有神秘感的热带雨林。读完后，我就觉得超羡慕他的！那次的背包旅行，让他认识到了很多来自世界各地的背包旅行爱好者。也许因为他是男生，所以事情显得比较容易办到！在他的网记中，可以看得出，他正在努力想把马来西亚十三个州都给走完！

“第一次背包旅游在没任何计划下成功完成了， 明白到人生一大道理， 1到100很容易， 0到1却很难。 无论为生活， 为梦想， 就让我们大家一起勇敢的跨出那0到1的一大步， 加油!!”


一边读着他的网记，以便可以发现，他从旅游中和所到过的地方，体会到了很多人们不会去注意的道理，真得很简单！

“人， 活着是为了什么？ 这问题我想每个人都曾经问过自己， 多数都找不到答案。 近期的我， 又再一次跌入大海中， 视野中只看到海平线。 我拼命的游， 努力的游， 为了就是要游到岸边， 但无论我在如何努力的游， 拼命的游， 岸边都不会出现在我的视野里， 因为我在大海中失去了方向， 一切的努力， 一切的拼命也只是围绕着同一个点而已， 只希望能有一艘船经过， 将我救出... （ 与其说我在一次跌入大海， 倒不如说我从未游到岸上 ）
重复性的工作， 给予不到任何的成就感给我， 很想程上辞职信， 就这样逃离所熟悉的地方， 奔向那陌生的国土... 身无分文的我， 又要如何走天下呢？ 目前的我， 真的感觉很 空 虚 ...


15号终于要来临了， 我的一个人之旅， 一个我认为能打救我的旅游来了， 我要借助我一个人旅行的力量， 认真的与心灵深处对话， 看清我到底需要什么... 抛弃一切， 提起背包一走了之吗？ 完成梦想后才来考虑那放下背包后的生活如何过吗？ 那明年我要到纽西兰所需的一笔费用又如何能存到呢？ ”
 

这是他下定决心一个人背包旅游前的一篇！今年的我，19 岁了！不知，到了什么岁数我才有勇气，像他一样，立志走遍天下，一个人！他说，原来背包旅行可以让自己更了解自己，让自己去聆听，平时不想去聆听的内心话。

以上我说过得那位背包旅游爱好者，真得去过好多好多地方，如美国，香港，印度，中国（很多）。。。等等！

好了，如果再写下去，我会忍不住明天就去订机票！想要读一读的话，请按这里，晚安！

Seriously, I don't really care what people talk behind me.

and everyone knows that's called backstabber.

and I don't think my friends do. although they do

because they're my friends. simple reason.

I knew this will happens always in this world pratically.

so I'm learning anyway.

Not learning to be the backstabber or be in the part.

I'm learning how to adapt it.

We have any types of human in this world.

Underneath those naive human, remaining the so-wrong-people

(sorry,  I can't find any nice words except this)

Can you tell me how you feel or what you will do after you discovered the "so-wrong-people" is just beside you.

I'll just smile naively in fact.

As you know, nothing will gonna change although you try to shed your tears.

shaking my head left and right, is the first thing I did when it happens to me.

So, I'm going to live the life that I want.

care the people that I want to.

that's it!

dear leaving

I hate this feeling.

the people you care, they're leaving.

the people you used to care about, they're narrow. they're wrong.

anythings went wrong.

I know I shouldn't cry. but what can I do beside depressed?

I felt I've nothing left after my dear's leaving.

I know it isn't long, but where can I find the strength to face it after knowing those things.

I'm not the only one knew this kind of this shit things, BUT I'm the only one who is staying around those shit things.

Okay,I'm strong enough.

I know my thing.

I can't smile to a person that was so wrong.

how can I talk to a phony?

Anyway, I'm should grateful shiwei's leaving.

maybe she's not so stronger than me. hahaha.

She's flying tomorrow.

Hope she takes good care of herself always.

and God bless her pleaseee!

I lied. I'm going to cry.

Where is my GD's photo? :(