如果能重来

如果能.............重来？

可是

我不要！

要重来几次后才会明白？
明白，所有事情，一次就好。
没必要重来！

something innermost sympton

How to say?

 What to say?

 Everyone have something inmost.

But you can't describe it as well.

I have something innermost.

But still finding the solution to express.

It's hard.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is leaving, maybe study abroad.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what?

Ironically, right?

Ya, about what?

Nothing.

Maybe anything.

I just 19.

But I keep complaining the whattheheck tiredness.

Sometimes, I would rather I'm the one who is stupid, maybe retarded bit.

At least, not so tired.

Tired?

About what again, this time?

Ya, about what again?

Nothing.

or, maybe ANYTHING.

See! I've said I've something inside the bottom of my heart.

But I can't really type into words.

Even I can't really speak out.

I hope this sympton will recover soon when I opened my eyes in the early morning.

night.

I know I'm deep. haha. off!

Holiday started expectedly

Mid-term exam is over. and I can estimate how terrible I'm going to be. Deadly dead just like a dead fish. Not even one paper I'm confident in. okay, not more than 2 paper okay? see! now you know how you going to die if you keep slacking like a bear, keep doing last minute work? See! STPM is not like cooking mamasak or fooling around by gossiping who is the handsome junior in this school or else, you just have one word, DIE!

okay, I should really relax and type something happy. but NO WAY! I should be on the plane now, with my mother and brother for the Turkey vacation. In fact, I can join but..................ERGHHH! Not allowed by my Holy Dad! He want someone accompany, I knew that, but NOT me please! Imma going to cut myself until my flesh isn't there anymore. For what I said NO to my mom when she's asking me about the trip. At that time, I felt there will be more more and even more tuition and STPM is countdowing. Okay, just few seconds for me to calm down and think something positively. Okay, you should think about this way. you can complete all your peta minda and do all your lower six revision within this stupid long vacation time. okay. done! Fine! ERGHH!

Holiday started. but I wished I can have some tuition marathon. Just don't let my brain hibernate for about 2 weeks. You know, I'll still slacking like a bitch although I swear I'll do all my revision. just forget it. fiction, drama, shopping, sleeping, bilibala here I come. duhh! bye!

WALAOOO eh!

I'm going to smack myself badly.

Can someone just let me know whether I'm still living?

Fuck you Malaysia's weather.

WHATTHEHECK?

I guess I'll be lying down on the floor by no reason.

I've no idea about how i look like when I'm sweating.

I'm so fucking pissed off about the weather.

Because "they" just spoiled my handphone.

Don't ask me how.

Maybe I keep put my handphone in my car's drawer

but who to blame?

human being?

I'm too!

I'm still locking myself in the air-con room

walaooo ehhh!

woyaosile !

Today is the signature day for my junior.

I love my junior so much!

Basically, I don't take her as my junior but My FRIEND.

we've known each other since we're in the ballad school when I was 6, and i guess she was just 5.

until I stopped when I was form 4.

just imagine i'm 19, and she's 18 now. really whoaa :)

okay. next week is the Teacher's Day.

The last teacher's day that we can celebrate.

aigooo.

And afterthat, bloody exam will be holding on.

Should I cut myself first?

Because I found anything I've done was SO WRONG.

despo like hell.

no motivation to keep on my revision.

Fuck my lower six life.

I'm a bitch!

just a despo bitch!

 

P.S : Quite a long time to see my photo huh? BUSYY

BITCHES EVERYWHERE!

Are they blind?

Or mentally retarded?

Or they don't own a pair of eyes.

Did their eyes fulfilled with mercury?

Aren't they saw someone just trying hard to do their study in class?

I HATE INDIAN FM.

God! What the F they're thinking?

The mid-year exam is around the corner, and I'm trying my best to do my revision.

But always get some F.O.C cracking indian song around my ears.

I ain't in the good mood recently, thanks for the weather.

It makes me PMS again when the ''sweeeeetest accapella indian song" around my ears

WHATTHEHECK ARE THEY?

DOING NOTHING BUT BITCHING like a P__________e!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

I even more rude if I wanna continue to type.

I've been controlling my temper so nicely.

I can't promise nothing will happen.

Let me take a deeeep breathe.

BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHES EVERYWHERE!

and i'm going to turn myself into a bitch when I was in PMS

just wait.

A lot shoes. bags. jackets. blazers. earrings. plain tee. top. shorts. jumpsuits. leggings.

I'm going to put you all in my closet just after the war.

i'm coming back to normal.

just a moment wanna turn myself to a shopacholic.

I know it's painful. for my purse. hahaha

off!

I'm still breathing

owhhhh. I still own a blog. I'm here to update my blog by telling you guys that I'm still alive just like a normal person who is still breathing. I'm not going to tell you about my how misery my form 6 life is. It's going to end within six months.

Everyday, before I enter my sleep, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when I'm driving alone, I'll be thinking the same thing. Everyday, when someone speak the words, I'll be thinking the same thing. and even everyday, when I'm heading for my homework, I'll be thinking the same thing. What am I doing now? It's complicated. blahhhhhh! I'm so confused. disorder.unrest.etc. I can't think anything. Because it won't be solved if I keep thinking again and again. IDK IDK IDK IDK.


Sorry, I can't find the purpose to update my blog recently. I'm not tend to show my weakness via internet to the blog readers by posting those misery,tearing,depress,stressful life that I'm undergoing, because it's not my stye. And, I'm fine too. I'm trying to find answer by myself by the way. Don't you just ask me "What kind of answer?" I pun tak tau. Maybe that is the effect by bringing the adult's elements into the child's world.

I'm going 19 as I said in the last few posts. I was no more 6, or maybe 12 or 17. I was no more depending on others, even though I'm quite independence since I was young. The feeling is sucks. I hate it so much. It's nuts. Because there is no more just books, tv, papa and mama, sweets, homeworks, computer games, play seek and hide.. It's about anything. We're force to accept a lot of things that we couldn't. but we have to. We are force to think what we do not want to. We are force to face the obstacles or truth that we can't even accept it. What to do? as we're no more children. so that's why I hate I was 19. It's really a critical time. I know you might laughing what the heck I wanna think too much? IDK again. Nowadays, I found the society is sicked. Badly sicked. Hence, I'm sicked to "it" too! get to off. bye.