please ignore this post!

To be honest, I might wanna let myself being naive sometimes. perhaps stupid will rescue myself for being more and more relaxing or not to be too tension in everything. perhaps foolish attitude or thinking may slow down the aging of brain. maybe I can even grow for another happy year with the spirit of naive and "turn-negative-into-positive". perhaps everything will be easier. perhaps human life is more relief.

Ya, maybe I'm such a straightforward, frank and open, candid girl in front of others. Ya, maybe I'm such an unrestrained person in front of friends. and Ya, maybe I'm the human that keep laughing like no other business in front of crowd no matter strangers or what. In fact, cover should be removed and charged sometimes and replacing by the worries and misgivings  mask again. But there're no way in front of people, but myself. I won't and never cry in front of people including families unless some undeniable situation. Yes, maybe I always show up to be like tension, depressed, angry and so on etc. always, as I sicked of making believe that I'm happy or cheering up enough. don't you feel it's a kind of torture. forcing your mouth to smile like The McDonald's crown but the heart even cry or yell or trembling like getting heart disease. NO WAY, for me! 

Shouldn't we just laugh if our heart wants to? Don't we just smile if our heart feels wanna? Couldn't we just cry when our hearts are suffering? Why don't we just shout or express our feelings in the proper way when our hearts are going blow up? at least I found the way for my heart to function and rest because we can't even live without heart. So please treat well to your heart. All I mean above are about the way we express when emotion is leading us sometimes. But for decision? I always have the problem to make because I don't even understand what the actual decision my heart want to. ishhhhh! you know it's kind of trouble for me. its terribly annoying me....! F!