Monday, February 10

It has to be you

It's ironic when you are passion to share your stories (BF) but there were so many reason you just shut you mouth up and swallow it yourself. Nothing much. Just be myself and have some sharing session of our stories to the family and friends, but I felt difficult. It's funny when your family still treat you as a child and always tell you [in a warning/guidance/lecture way, but they always thought that will just a "suggestion"] what-to-do's or not-to-do's. And here some fact: After coming back for the celebration of Chinese New Year of 2014, a lot of people got shock that I turned so thin (slimmer leg and stomach i guess), and I always answered with most "official" answer which is, "I control my eat". Actually I'm not. I feel stressed just like I did when I was in the Form 6 so I can't gain weight. In contrast, I can't sleep well when the last semester started in last September and I just don't know why. I have anything the human being deserved to have, complete body and organs; I have my beloved family and friends and of course the boyfriend; perfect circumstances to study and live in comfort situation and it mostly perfect. Final answer: I'm so sentimental! 

I feel guilt when I always feel to go back China. I don't mean that I live better life in China (in fact, yes for sometimes), home is the best always lahh. It was about boundaries and restrain of my personality and my love. The adaption of culture shock has over. At least I can talk and "show-off" about him with my friends but not hiding like rat or someone who just did a crime or what. At least I can just take the bus, train and metro to meet him when weekends came, and I know I'm not willing to go back. At least I can hold his hand tight and we can walk to some little shop or cook ourselves. At least I can feel his warm or his cuddle will always the finest pill for my sleep. At least he can drive or take train to take care for me just because I'm having migraine. At least, I don't have to hide my feeling. I am so proud of my boyfriend. I don't like to hide any of my feeling towards other including my loved one, family or friends. Just because he is good so I just can't stop to talk about him but I feel retarded in front of my family. I'm not hiding, I'm just finding some better way, but it was difficult. Falling in love with him will sometimes makes me feel like I'm doing a serious crime. Even the most normal things that the couple will be doing , I has to filter and filter again when spoken. I know they're try to protect me but their blessing were the most wanted thing ever. 

I hate camouflage. but I'm doing the things that I hate the most everyday. I think that was one of the reason I'm getting little peaky. I miss my roommate. She's the one who always give the better idea and we always have our sharing session.

I miss the silly one already :( 




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