蔡健雅《夜盲症》

不要为离开找借口，

但是相信你我都会发生。

不想为了你而恶化了我的夜盲症 。

你知道我不是个乐观的人，

当初你所说的感染力只不过是自己赋予自己的一些正确态度。

想通了，自然散发出正能量。

想不通，处处都是深。

[MV] PRIMARY(프라이머리), OHHYUK(오혁) _ Bawling

Primary is always awesome.

This is so sexy.

irresistible SEXY 

sound like John Legends. VIBE

Vibe is so good and makes me FEEL

But please don't label this as kpop

looooooove this.

I hate selling my emotion.

to him: 

he makes me feel crazy. he makes me that I'm the fault. it was so pain 

you might be right but I don't care.

you scattered me into pieces.

but sometimes you shining me like Venus.

the future that we hold is so unclear.

this was more like modem fairy-tale 

and everyone keep telling me there are always happen ending. 

to myself: 

Am i really in love 

or am I dating to break up

once again , it comes to me 

this happen ending

东南亚是舒服的

[北越] 

对越南的经济，总以为比起柬埔寨会来得更发展起来一些，但你知道北越和南越相差甚远，比不上泰国，更别说是马来西亚，因为想起去年到过柬埔寨所看到的越南旅客；对越南的制度，总以为是民主，却是越战后北越胜后共产制度。对越南的首都，总以为是胡志明市，但其实是比西贡落后的河内。对越南的人民，总以为都是黑头发下的黑皮肤，但人民却相似泰国和中国的结合体，很有趣的是女的非常娇小玲珑，男的可以说是各个“小鲜肉”，特别之处就是看不见黑皮肤。

越南民族精神主意强。倔强的，坚毅的，虽穷但不颓。越战打了20年，僵持在两大国之间20年，共产虽战胜了民主。外表上看是美国输给了共产精神主义获得最后胜利，但战后留下的局面是令人崩溃的，街上都是寡妇，日后更加剧了男尊女卑的现象。如果问我下一世让选当男当女，在越南当个男的每天搬张椅子在外扇风喝茶坐一天也不错。

北越没有高楼大厦，没有山珍海味，就连高速公路和机场都是靠日本建的。到处都是日产和韩货，有哪个国家不是一开始依靠外资。别讽刺日本的“经济移民”，到头来你也只能感叹不如他们。靠着最原汁原味的风景吸引旅客，虽不比中国的大山大水入眼，但舒服的态度来接待，虽落后，但知足；撑船的人每天靠着几块美金养家，不问他们还不知道一个比一个还年轻，已婚。虽穷，但不贪，街上看不到一个乞丐，不偷不抢，拿着个草帽从早到晚都不知有没有卖到一个。不仅问起自己的国家有没有中国来得发达，我答：“差不多这样就好了，因为城市的发展会腐朽人的心”。毕竟到头来我们需要的是空气、食物、水份和阳光。

无奈我们总喜欢到各大城市去倾慕他国的进步和发达，留恋高楼大厦的耸立和自然风景的优美，把自己憧憬但属于他人的文化带回去。无奈我们总喜欢到各落后国家数落别人的不及，唱起自己国家的好，把自己藐视他人的文化带回去。如要比较，不如回家睡觉。在旅行要的快乐是容易的，只求舒服，只求难忘。旅行当中看到一些他国族群的旅行方式便是旅途的小插曲。

倔强，坚毅，知足，越南是舒服的。有人总喜欢问我，为什么总喜欢挑东南亚国家旅行？对我来说，比起中国，东南亚是舒服的。

2 more days and it will be fucked off!

You have the most "ridiculous" reason and you know I actually buy it. I can't imagine I just turned out to be like a bitch just to cry shit, talk shit and do shit to you. Girls are bitch, ya they turned out to be like a bitch for guy who just like you. This is true. Relationship is hard, just look at our parents, they ain't easy at all. And now I realize how hard this relationship to be continued.

 I know I'm harsh because I'm always out of mind when you're not me. Friends asked to communicate for problems. Ya. wanna meet each other already been so hard what about communicating for problems? And you know what actually happened among us. The snowball is rolling bigger and bigger. The begining of  2015 is already frustrated. why more? 

It always been so normal when comes to day, but again it's come to greet me, this is the happen ending.

Ya 2 more days and it will be fucked off!

we backpacks to MONGGOL for food!

 I just drop by and upload some photos for the previous blog. ENJOY

Picture aboves proved that I'd gain weight and of course you knw why, right? 

TEEHEEEEEEE CIAO!

its all blue skies and white clouds

For the friends or families or followers (all the f-people) who know me, I'd been travel to Nei Monggol, part of China, and I'm alive here. I feel hydrated for the first day I went. It was a backpack one, so no cream or any extra girl things brought so my skin were really under construction all the time. The feeling is kinda weird to describe in words and emotion but the luckiest thing I did for the trip as memorable was I snap video just like I did for my Sabah trip v my beloved buddies. I went with my homie (Malaysian-ZJU-er) and there just me and her at the desert and every single place in Nei Monggol, except the city thing. I mean urban area. So I just said it was a backpack one, we didn't shower for several days, when I say shower of course including brush-teeth those intimate-activity NO. The circumstances and places there didnt allow us to do it so WOW, I made this for the first time. We pee and shit just outside the place we stayed (Mongolia-house) where no one beside us, we climbed up to the rock at the night for the stars-watching and woke up in the early 4AM for the sunrise. We undergo for all the temperature that we can and it was torturing at first but FUN for remembering memories. hehehe.We ate alot of lamb and this was the one of our main reason we went there, we hunt for food every time by using apps hahah. And please trust me , IT WAS ALL BLUE SKIES AND WHITE CLOUD EVERYWHERE. While living and studying in city, mask-covering and those hazey skies were tiring me. So the place amazed me. The transportation, horn and city-noise sometimes pissed me off so I yelled and shouted like a crazy one when I saw sheep and horse everywhere and they re so free. They eat and they shit, they drink and they pee as they like. They have no problem to go back to their house. The place at that just like the other planet for all the city-living people, just like me. I had my first time horse-riding and it took about 2 hours something. I guess they pissed me off I mean the horse, becoz they gotta carry me when they still have their breakfast. They were so tame and the people in the city were so good. The sheep were so shy and I even met them the other day after I have my staying at the Mongo field. First time touching their hairy hair and their skin, they are so nature. zoo or aquarium, neither of them I like it, because they're not free. I even talked to them when we have horse-riding and playing and hanging around the field. The feeling was good. how stupid! hahahah

I blogged this one at the library without my hard-disc here so less picture to post. 

P/S: Oh yeshh! I finally logged to blogger in China. I miss my blog very badly :')
P/SS: Forgive for my poor english. I have not been write and speak English for 2 years. :'( 

我若可以

总觉得跟着自己心总没错

但不知怎地 就会有些失意的时候

发闷还是兴奋 

总觉得坚持所要的总没错

但不知怎地 就会有不甘的时候

坚持还是放弃

总觉得相信所坚持的总没错

但不知怎地 就会有恐惧的时候

踏出还是怯步

总觉得雨过会天晴的时候

但不知怎地 就是一直阴天没停过

怪不得彩虹总是美妙

总觉得栽进里面都是甜蜜的时候

但不知怎地 就是想要更贪心地得到更多的祝福

怪不得人总是不知足

我若可以 我还是会选择 

我若可以 我还是会放纵自己

我若可以 我想更勇敢

我若可以 我想改写历史 哪怕是你 还是我 或者我们俩

我若可以 我想比你更不顾一切 

我若可以 我想炫耀

我若可以 

It has to be you

It's ironic when you are passion to share your stories (BF) but there were so many reason you just shut you mouth up and swallow it yourself. Nothing much. Just be myself and have some sharing session of our stories to the family and friends, but I felt difficult. It's funny when your family still treat you as a child and always tell you [in a warning/guidance/lecture way, but they always thought that will just a "suggestion"] what-to-do's or not-to-do's. And here some fact: After coming back for the celebration of Chinese New Year of 2014, a lot of people got shock that I turned so thin (slimmer leg and stomach i guess), and I always answered with most "official" answer which is, "I control my eat". Actually I'm not. I feel stressed just like I did when I was in the Form 6 so I can't gain weight. In contrast, I can't sleep well when the last semester started in last September and I just don't know why. I have anything the human being deserved to have, complete body and organs; I have my beloved family and friends and of course the boyfriend; perfect circumstances to study and live in comfort situation and it mostly perfect. Final answer: I'm so sentimental! 

I feel guilt when I always feel to go back China. I don't mean that I live better life in China (in fact, yes for sometimes), home is the best always lahh. It was about boundaries and restrain of my personality and my love. The adaption of culture shock has over. At least I can talk and "show-off" about him with my friends but not hiding like rat or someone who just did a crime or what. At least I can just take the bus, train and metro to meet him when weekends came, and I know I'm not willing to go back. At least I can hold his hand tight and we can walk to some little shop or cook ourselves. At least I can feel his warm or his cuddle will always the finest pill for my sleep. At least he can drive or take train to take care for me just because I'm having migraine. At least, I don't have to hide my feeling. I am so proud of my boyfriend. I don't like to hide any of my feeling towards other including my loved one, family or friends. Just because he is good so I just can't stop to talk about him but I feel retarded in front of my family. I'm not hiding, I'm just finding some better way, but it was difficult. Falling in love with him will sometimes makes me feel like I'm doing a serious crime. Even the most normal things that the couple will be doing , I has to filter and filter again when spoken. I know they're try to protect me but their blessing were the most wanted thing ever. 

I hate camouflage. but I'm doing the things that I hate the most everyday. I think that was one of the reason I'm getting little peaky. I miss my roommate. She's the one who always give the better idea and we always have our sharing session.

I miss the silly one already :( 

MY 21ST!

We know each other since last year Nov, and the 02-11-2013 was the first anniversary we've met, not the together one. We met each other when he just sat beside me in a flight although he was not suppose to sit beside but he did and I just don't know maybe he just did not want to sit beside the girl they came with IDK. I'm on my way for granny's funeral and he's on his way for vacation and we just know each other. The entire 5 hours flight, we just can't stop to talk. This is crazy, you know? I know. teeheee :D Well. If someone just asked you,"Are you crazy in mind?" I will definitely said,"Why not?" I don't know how to explain sometimes, just poured a smile toward and that's all. No boyfie thing again here.

Let't talk about how am I celebrated my belated birthday, that's a good question right? hehehe. I went to Shanghai and celebrated with my boyfie(sorry for mentioning him again). He gave me pairs or earring & necklace and we went to some France cuisine and a lot of travel in Shanghai and I thought this was the romantic one and that's all. He gave me accompany from Shanghai to Hangzhou by giving some lousy excuse and I did believe him and let's the story began. When we reached my campus, I said bye-bye to my boyfie outside the dorm and he just turned his head away like he was in a rush, I even went to the kitchen and peak on him but I can't found him at all. Well, I guess that's its so I stepped back to my dorm and met my friend in the kitchen, she was holding her iphone. When I opened my door and stepped in, my door just closed itself, i thought its was wind or what. I try to switch on the light, no lights turn on and I thought my roomie forgot to pay. A cellphone on my desk keep rang and it was my roomie's cellphone.(no curiosity at all because she always left her cellphone at room)Well, I guess outside will be better, so I turned around and try to open my door, but the stupid door is pulled by someone outside and I finally figured out something happened, my washroom was locked and I can't pull my door open. DUH! "I've been pranked!" A ping-pong ball suddenly pop out in the room and I had no idea where the ping-pong ball came from and the projector is ON. The horror movie "Conjuring" was screening on my wall and I was like...."okay, played in a horror way!". Please don't think that they got me. When yeehor came out and say "AHHHHHHHHH" I was like....."Hey! Someone is calling this phone, Sandy(my roomie)"  and other peoples came in and start blabbered "Oh my god! why the heck this fella called in this moment? Why the internet is not functioning??!@!@#!@#$@#$@#" Hahahahahahahahahahahaha 

And after all they make it for the second times, I walked back to the corridor and started to pretend that nothing happened before, but I left my keys inside. HAHAHAHAHAHA It's that still make sense? hahahaha IDK,  I felt fun! I met my boyfie with my friend who holded an iphone just now at the corridor and I finally know what's really going on! 

Second try? U can imagine how funny will be. BTW, I did appreciate what they have did to me, they tried and tried for N times and mine was the worst. I love you all guys and the boyfie who hidden this secret all the way I was beside him. hmmmmmph!